Sunday, 22 January 2012

Octopussy (1983)

John Glen returns to direct his second James Bond film; having given 007 a good grounding in FYEO, can he improve on this and deliver an even better Octopussy? Well, no. Not really. I'm not sure whether it's the story, which has something to do with a Fabergé egg, an octopus (not psychic), some Russians and a bomb; the fact that Roger Moore is now a sedentary 55; whether it's because Maud Adams' character is nowhere near as interesting as in The Man with the Golden Gun; or is it because the best villain weapon is a glorified Yo-Yo?

Following a dismal opening credit song, (all time high? Really? You don't sound like you're on one Rita), given that the characters were all a bit boring and the plot rather obscure and muddled, I started noticing how much Bond hates nature! So I played a little game of 007 vs the animals!

First up, spiders.

What a scary toy spider! Does 007 gently brush them off à la Indy? No! Mash them, squash them, they make a nice crunchy noise. 1 nil to 007. Next a tiger get the jump on him, but being a secret agent and speaking a host of languages, Bond tells the tiger to sit, and the moggy duly obliges. 2-0 to 007.

However, while hiding from hunters on elephants, a snake doesn't miss the opportunity to get up close and personal with Rog; however he actually ignores the asp so I guess this is a draw; 3-1 to Bond.

Now it seems like we have skipped back a few films as 007 looks as though he has a prosthetic third nipple again. Nope, just some unfortunate leech that attached itself to Roger's moobs, which gets burned! 4-1 Rog.

Before he finally escapes the jungle, 007 is chased by a crocodile. It doesn't actually manage to bite Bond's ankles, but obviously it looked the wrong way at him as Q later turns the offending reptile into a toy submarine.

Final score 5-1 to James Bond. At least he doesn't get face-hugged by Octopussy's octopus.

So there we go, we know from previous films that Bond hates women; it now seems clear that he hates animals too. What an all time high.

Order of Preference so far: