Diamonds are Forever (1971)

He’s back! Not just James Bond, but Connery as well. Initially we are teased by mysterious hands punching/strangling as we see that someone is tracking down Blofeld. What’s this? It’s Sean Connery; but he looks old! The super-fast, exposition-heavy intro then continues (is this the quickest he has ever said Bond, James Bond?); a random gets gooped, and then Blofeld himself is gooped (a lot of goop in this evil lair). What? Blofeld dead? The film is only 3 minutes old!

Following the frenetic pace of this intro, the film slows right down, and doesn’t get going again until... erm... the next film, possibly? M seems completely bored with 007 as he and “Sir Donald” brief him in diamond smuggling, whereas Bond just seems more interested in his sherry. Cut into this exposition are scenes showing the various stages of smuggling, including the many loose ends tidied up by Mr Wint and Mr Kidd! If ever there was an indication that we are now in the 70s, the style and Bromance between these two is it.

Just in case we were getting excited, we are treated to 15 min of following Diamonds around Circus Circus, then to the airport, and finally out to a secret research area. This culminates in Bond escaping in a Robbie-the-Robot look-a-like space buggy. I do love the way that the astronauts try to stop James from escaping, but they can’t because they move awkwardly as if they’re in space, except they’re in the Nevada desert! Following this ludicrousness there’s an exciting car chase! Which is about as good as this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XlVoxcDKyuA

Of course, it’s the performances of the main cast that hold a movie together. Having enjoyed Charles Gray’s memorable, though brief, appearance in YOLT, I was really looking forward to his take on Blofeld. Unfortunately the fine performance from YOLT is not particularly in evidence here. Whereas Telly’s Blofeld had an underlying menace, and a quiet confidence; Charles’ Blofeld is a bit too contrived; confident yes, but to the point of being too familiar: “Miss Case, showing a bit more cheek than usual?” He is however very scary, especially when dressed in drag! Was there really no better way for him to escape from his casino? He also comes across as being scared himself; when he realises that perhaps his oil-platform is in danger, he runs towards his submarine escape-pod like a frightened schoolboy - not very SPECTRE. Sean himself, as I’ve already mentioned comes across as being quite bored. By now he has lost all of the suave magnetic charm that was so evident in the first three films. Far from being the man that women swoon over, he seems bored with sexual shenanigans now; as he gets naked, he first hangs up his suit, displays his developing beer gut, and then gets into bed. He even considerately nestles the ashtray in his significant chest-rug so that Tiffany can smoke her post-coital cigarette!

In terms of the women, Plenty O’Toole is just a comedy name and doesn’t last very long; Bambi and Thumper the same; whereas Tiffany Case is probably the best character in the film. She is the one who keeps turning up, driving the plot forward, and providing a more interesting thread through the film than following some diamonds around; which is essentially all 007 does. Jill St John ensures that Tiffany generates far more intrigue than Blofeld, and seems far more involved in the plot than Bond the spectator. She even changes her hair colour, which leads to the only good one-liner from James as he admits that he doesn’t mind blondes or brunettes “providing the collars and cuffs match”!

Sadly, for the second film in a row there is no furniture fighting, but the vicious scrap in the lift with the real Peter Franks makes up for it. Very nicely shot and cut, it is very reminiscent of the fight with Red Grant in FRWL. It seems that Sean excels at fighting in confined spaces. Once again another highlight are some of the amazing sets designed by Ken Adam; none as huge as a secret volcano base, but very sleek.

There were also some excellent over-dramatic deaths; whether it is due to a plastic scorpion down the neck; or being shot in the head having been distracted by a kicked cat!

However, at the end of the day DAF is a very lacklustre James Bond escapade, not as stodgy or waterlogged as Thunderball, but still quite tedious. It feels like the whole film is a death rattle to Sean’s time as 007. Time for another change?

Order of Preference so far:

You Only Live Twice, Goldfinger, On Her Majesty's Secret Service, From Russia with Love, Dr No, Diamonds are Forever, Thunderball

You Only Live Twice

The evil plans of his subordinates have been so routinely foiled by 007 (Dr No, FRWL and Thunderball), that Ernst Stavro Blofeld (SPECTRE’s #1) has obviously decided that if you want a master-plan done properly, then do it yourself...! SPECTRE have been capturing space capsules launched by both USA and Russia; of course each nation blames the other for the missing probes and it looks like a full-scale war is imminent. Her Majesty’s government (ever the voice of reason!!!), don’t think either nation is to blame as their Intel indicates that the mysterious Pacman-style-shuttle-gobbling-rocket is being launched from somewhere in Japan. So, following an elaborate plan to convince the world’s baddies that he’s dead(..!), James Bond is sent to Japan to track down the source of the rocket.

The pre-credit action starts with the capture of an American space capsule by SPECTRE, before going to Hong Kong where we see 007 killed “on the job”! I like this, as both scenes tie in with the movie as a whole; instead of some fake-widow-beating and escape by tin-foil-jet-pack. The title tune, sung by Nancy Sinatra, is perhaps as well known as Goldfinger, and is also quite unusual (I think) in terms of Bond tunes, as the theme is recurrent throughout the entire film. In fact the whole film has a terrific score by John Barry.

This has always struck me as quite an iconic Bond film; probably a combination of great title tune, Donald Pleasence being the archetypal Blofeld (helped by Austin Powers no doubt), and a secret volcano base (the only kind of secret base worth having)! The fact that it is all set in the Far East gives the film a more exotic feel; though this brings with it some of the film’s more bizarre elements. Despite Aki (Akiko Wakabayashi) being a leading Japanese actress, her English accent sounded like Mrs Peignoir’s French accent from Fawlty Towers; the assassin/driver who Bond fights in Osato’s office looks more Polynesian than Japanese. At this point I was very happy to see 007’s penchant for fighting with furniture was taken to a whole new level as he fights not just using a chair, but an entire sofa (see also FRWL and Thunderball for other furniture fights!)!!

                                                        You're holding the wrong end!

Another random moment is making Bond Japanese!? I can see the point of him training to become a Jedi Ninja (in a camp as crazy as the SPECTRE training camp in FRWL; instead of flame-throwers there is ice-block-head-breaking!), but is it really necessary to have fake eyebrows/lids and a crap wig? Especially as he ditches them as soon as he puts on his Phantom disguise!

                        

Otherwise, Sean is as good as ever, though he does seem to get a bit more sweaty than in the other films. Any thoughts that perhaps he is getting bored with the franchise seem to be dispelled during the fight with Hans (Blofeld’s bodyguard) towards the end of the film. This is quite a full-on fight that is far more dynamic than some of the more slapstick offerings that we’ve seen in the previous two films. Donald Pleasence manages to create a truly iconic villain, even though he doesn’t have much time on screen. Of course as a genius, he even has an “Erupt Volcano” lever installed in his base! I think Charles Gray is great as Dikko Henderson (yup, “Dikko”!?!), it is a shame that he is only alive for about 5 minutes... Obviously his talent didn’t go unnoticed which is why (according to my James Bond encyclopaedia) “It is rumoured that a few years after Henderson’s death, Blofeld used him as a model for his surgically-created looks”! What a wonderfully unlikely way to get Charles Gray back into the franchise! Mie Hama is pretty enough as Kissy Suzuki, but she doesn’t do much other than run up and down the volcano a few times in a bikini.

                                                                Perfect hiking gear

Overall, I think You Only Live Twice is tremendous fun (though clearly not as thrilling as doing the voice-over for the trailer). Helped along by Roald Dahl’s screenplay, direction by Lewis Gilbert which really gives the film a freshness, and a brilliant production design by Ken Adam. There are almost as many memorable moments from this as there are from Goldfinger, but I think the plot is more intriguing and the extra dimension of Bond being involved in the space-race ups the ante in terms of the Bond franchise. As a final thought; we should take a moment to remember the Russian astronauts who put on the white henchmen overalls (at Bond’s behest) who were most likely shot in the climactic battle!

Order of preference so far:

You Only Live Twice, Goldfinger, From Russia with Love, Dr No, Thunderball

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