Made 2 years before Kubrick’s masterpiece, this is most definitely not A Space Odyssey. Following two tribes of cave people (one dark-haired and dirty, the other blonde, more advanced), the movie tells the story (I’m using the word in its loosest term) of Tumak (John Richardson) who is banished from his tribe but is saved from exhaustion by the more advanced tribe. The technological state of this new tribe seems to stretch to spears, mullets and push-up bras, modelled perfectly by Loana (Raquel Welch).
The “story” is by-the-by and the real reason for the film is to put some of Ray Harryhausen’s animated creatures on screen. The fight between the T-rex and the Triceratops is OK, but I was most impressed by the giant sea turtle, which looks really detailed and most life-like. Unfortunately before these animations there is some live action forced perspective nonsense. A “giant” tarantula seems to be doing press-ups over a presumably captured bug, but worst of all is a lethargic iguana that simply shuffles along occasionally making a Rehhhh “roaring” noise (just go Rehhhh yourself and that’s exactly how it sounded!). Did you do it? Stupid eh? Well it was worse. Apparently the lights under which it was filmed made it very sleepy, so the iguana wrangler essentially had to push the lizard along!
There was the occasional nicely shot landscape and swift camera move, but for the most part One Million Years B.C. is ludicrous prehistoric nonsense. But, well, you know, that’s just, like, er, my opinion, man.